laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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