Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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