So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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