Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
