I can text with my tongue
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
