Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
