Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
