I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
