my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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