You were right. It hurts to walk today.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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