The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
