I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Vodka?
Forever.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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