I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
