There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
