How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
