how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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