I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
