yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
