have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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