Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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