Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
