Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
