Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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