you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
