its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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