I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize