he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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