just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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