im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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