the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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