Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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