I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
