You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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