Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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