Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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