i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
