You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
