Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
