just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize