The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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