dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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