SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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