Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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