It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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