went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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