Umm I'm too high to move.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
