After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize