Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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