I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
