we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
