He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
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