don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
