Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
