I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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