2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
this boner is exhausting
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
