Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
