Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Every concussion has its silver lining
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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