Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
