You smell like stripper and shame
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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