I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize