just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
