My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
4 words: hood of his car
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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