One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
