May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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