I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
