Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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