my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
