Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
