Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
