Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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