Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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