thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
