I seem to have left my pride at pride
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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