guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
