Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
