life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Found the puke drawer
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
