i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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