Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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