I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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