If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My ass is underappreciated
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
