just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
