i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
