my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my shit smells like andre
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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