some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
