It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
