I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize