Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
