come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize