Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
