i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
