There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
it was like eating out sand paper
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you didnt know i had herpes?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
