Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
