If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
