Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
