mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
