I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
