She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
pop tarts are not kleenex
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
