girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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